What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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