Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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