trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you made out with another girl for some wings
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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