I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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