i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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