I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
