Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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