you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
