Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
