I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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