Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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