i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
