Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
