ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
