dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
