please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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