Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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