just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
