Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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