I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
