Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
