That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
