we're blogging at a bar
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
