She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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