Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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