I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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