Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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