apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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