You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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