you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
