woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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