have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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