i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
