I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
