i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
