Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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