morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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