Already got asked if we're dating
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
