I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
