I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
