I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
