i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
