bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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