look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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