I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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