I can text with my tongue
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
