Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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