mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
