What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
