shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
