i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just pee around me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
